A marriage checkup

A marriage checkup can help you understand what is happening in your relationship and how it might be improved.


A husband comes home and goes directly to his computer. Will this make his wife, who has been cleaning house and looking after young children, feel important, wanted or sexy? Often the man wants quick sex, but shows few other signs of affection.

Women need to feel feminine, sexy, wanted and beautiful.

Another husband comes home and in response to his warm greeting, his wife tells him she has no time to talk… she needs to get supper ready. Will this make her husband feel loved and important?

Men need to feel masculine, sexy, wanted and handsome to some degree.


In most failed marriages 1 or more of the 3 important human needs, time, talk and touching were missing.

Time – you must find time to be together – movie, coffee shop, theatre, walk in the park, church services or meetings, visiting friends, sports, etc. Couples who like each other find time to do things together.

Talk – a marriage relationship can be compared to two people who share a movie. They enjoy and benefit in discussing and comparing their resulting thoughts and feelings. Each learns and benefits from talking to each other.

Touching – There is something warm and beautiful when a man and woman hold hands or exchange a light kiss or a loving hug. Signs of affection should not be limited to the bedroom.

Help for your marriage

When did you last tell your spouse, “I love you”?

If you decide you need help to heal your marriage, don’t let your pride stop you. You owe it to each other and to your family. If you're thinking of separation or divorce... Jim says: I personally recommend the Retrouvaille program; it has helped save two marriages of family members.

Prayer can strengthen your marriage

The divorce rate is almost 1 in every 2 marriages. Divorce causes emotional pain and financial suffering to every family member, especially to the children. Their hurt never really goes away.

Among couples who pray together, the divorce rate is much lower. These couples are usually happier and better-adjusted.

Another reason to pray together

Every relationship needs to be renewed from time to time. Praying together offers couples a wonderful opportunity to renew their relationship. Attending a retreat for married couples can also strengthen and heal your marriage.

Meet with each other

  • Set aside a convenient time and place to meet… up to an hour once or twice a month
  • Sit in comfortable chairs, reasonably close
  • Avoid phone calls or unnecessary interruptions
  • No third parties are allowed unless the other person agrees
  • Have one person be the chairperson Together, say, "Jesus, open our hearts and minds to forgive and to love"
  • Let each person have equal timeRemind yourself that the purpose is not to score points, but to grow closer to each other and to Jesus. At each meeting, talk about at least one thing the other person said or did that pleased you and one thing that bothered you.
  • Show respect and listen when the other speaksBe open to suggestions from the other person. Don't make it a blame game. Agree on one change each.
  • Seek to learn, to change, to forgive and to heal Finish your meeting with prayers
  • End with a Glory Be, the Our Father and Hail Mary or other prayers of your choice.

  • During these meetings of reconciliation, Jesus will reveal what He wants each person to do. With His help, they will learn to let go of anger and bitterness and to be more aware of others in the family. Their love for other family members will grow stronger.

    These meetings will continue to provide opportunities for closeness and happiness in your relationship with God, your family and your married partner.

    Pray the rosary together when possible


    With the upcoming World Meeting of Families and the Synod on the Family in Rome, the Catholic Church's teaching on divorce is taking center stage. Pope Francis has urged greater compassion and outreach towards those who have undergone divorce. Here are seven terrific online resources to help.


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